It goes without saying, “our compassion and acts of selflessness take us to the deeper truths” (Mata Amritanandamayi) and I couldn’t agree more. But unlike the puritanical value of selflessness, I practised and valued the act of self-serving – customarily known selfishness. Our current milieu defames this attitude and I tend to wonder why? Indubitably, everything has a good and bad side. It just depends on what it is and how it is seen in the public eye. As a child, it is reasonable why we only conformed – we were quite credulous. Not so much as an adult.

As we grow older, we try to find the balance between internal success and the business of life as a constant. A pertinent competence, that if lacking will send you in spirals. I struggle as I embark on this journey just like you may as well. 

Of recent, it’s been increasingly difficult to balance the reason for my existentialism which is my degree, my freelance work, and my job. The overwhelming cycle of subsisting is the reason for my long absence and although that will be my perfect getaway plan, some level of socialisation is expected from me. The mass’s animosity towards selfishness leaves me ambivalent—it makes me wonder at what point is self-serving permittable? 

I am heavily introverted. I have trained to be extroverted, in the sense that I force myself to become acclimated to socialisation. But it doesn’t come naturally to me – I have well-prepare myself for this counterpart to take over. As such, I would rather be at home meditating, working on my next project, or listening to the dulcet decibels of my silent flat. 

Occasionally, we need to marinate ourselves in individualism as we are often deluged by our duties and responsibilities. Taking a step back and just absorbing everything is an important step that is constantly omitted in the name of “success”. But what good is success if you can’t enjoy it to the best of your ability? 

In sitting back, you notice the many little details in your daily life you had missed while on the journey to your success. The many different cues from interactions with yourself, friends, acquaintances, and even unrehearsed scenes in your life. We are presented with the chance to absorb and reflect when we do decide to take a step back—I learned this in our state of confinement two years ago (link “all about confinement” article) (also s/o to my therapists Jessa and Judith for further accentuating that in my life). 

For most of my years, I believed powering through it was the only way. I would frequently get upset about my fatigue, creative block, and unwillingness to participate and exist in society. Looking back retrospectively, I couldn’t have been more mistaken. I believe sometimes we must be selfish to protect our sanity and energy. Removing ourselves from our reality is sometimes all we need. Wandering off the paved path will pay dividends in self-awareness and levelled mental health. So why not choose to accumulate wealth through those methods?