Across the months of bleakness, a recurring query plays through my mind subconsciously, hoping to be answered, acknowledged, or remedied. 

“Would my past ego be appreciative of my current individuality?”

“Is this where I want to be?”

“Do I strive for constant growth or am I being complacent?”

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Life moves hastily, and many times we don’t slow down to reflect on our mistakes and growth. I will be wrong to say this isn’t innocuous to my or our experiences. A lot happens in this fickle game of life (or existentialism).

Has there been any point in your life where you feel/felt stagnant? A point where your exuberant efforts and drive slowly die down. You are then harassed by the guilt of your demoralisation as you have reached a juncture of complacency. It’s only natural to experience this, yet why do I ease into this feeling and hide behind the lie motivation and inspiration is fictitious. A statement cannot be more apocryphal especially in our digitalised age. Inspiration is a Pinterest search away. 

On the other side of the spectrum, we are aggressively critical about our pieces and projects which leaves us never satisfied with what we put out because it is simply unsatisfactory. Whilst I am somewhat complacent, I find myself juxtaposed with my unquenchable hunger for surpassing my previous limit. Upon first thought, you may admire someone with such insatiable drive but in retrospect, it only aggravates the tailspin of doubt. 

I spent some time reflecting on why some people react this way to help others and myself to respite from this behaviour. I say respite because overcoming this sentiment is near futile; as if it were a person, it’ll be a revenant. 

A factor of perception and being perceived comes into play. Like experience, it differs per person, but the effect is the same. You are left dissatisfied, complacent, or complacent yet dissatisfied. 

“Abundance of anything is harmful to one” Mama Kareem always warned me. Excessiveness is a noose that will strangulate your drive and contentment is a trap that will rob your motivation. Finding the middle ground will save you from the extremity of dissatisfaction and complacency. The solution will differ per person. 

I spend some time looking through my previous projects as a method of inspiration and measuring my growth. My work inspires me to create more. Flagging errors in a previous project will serve as a learning curve for me in my next. I will learn to avoid such mistakes. In the same vein, your situation will not be undemanding – persist until you succeed. 

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This writing is a bit different from my habitual. Nevertheless, I hope I was able to spark something in you.